Hopelessly Entangled String Puppet

I Still Hate Gravity

Usually when I fall down I get back up, dust myself off and keep on going. I have been blessed by a body that will not break. Never broke a bone, not even when I was pinned in between two cars 4 years ago. However, what is chipped, dislocated and torn hurts like hell and I have yet to find someone who will listen.

My chiropractor is great but she is prevented by law from actually helping me with my ailments other than forcing stuff back into place when it becomes all crooked and I lose mobility. I have asked my parents for help so I can see my chiropractor more often. Maybe that will help me gain enough mobility to start fighting for my health again. Right now all mobility goes to work and child and there is not enough to go around.

There are many laws in my province that prevent me (and many others) from getting competent medical care. One of them is a law that prevents the hiring of immigrant doctors and nurses who have not passed the French test to the government’s satisfaction. A Romanian friend tried for 3 years to continue her nurse career here but eventually gave up. I know that on top of having the experience and credential, she was a fantastic person and knew well enough French to do the job because we talked in French so she could practice. She is now in New Jersey. I miss her

This means that in Quebec there are not enough doctors to care for people in this province. If you figure in the incompetence factor of doctors and their staff, this means that it is almost impossible to get medical care. I have met 2 competent doctors (urgentologists) in the past 10 years of being in Montreal. The other 8 were absolutely useless and quite negligent. But as I am not actually paying for care to the actual doctor, I will likely get a “go fuck yourself!” if I complain. In fact I can name two doctors for whom this is the standard greeting upon entering the consultation. Competent doctors are really saddened by this too.

I’d rather work on getting help but it is soooooo annoying to have to deal with so many people who are “just doing their job” without any concern for anything else that happens around them. When you tell them about the disconnects between every steps of the process their eyes just glaze over. I was supposed to have a CT-Scan (2nd one) but I ran into an administrative stack of shit. The doctor’s office swears they sent the prescription for the second CT-Scan by fax. The Hospital (across the street) swears that they did not get it. I will never get a second CT-Scan because each side is doing their job, which is swear that they did their job. If one side tries to fix the problem it means they are admitting to doing something wrong and that’s would be way worse than me dying from the lump growing in my abdomen.

In those cases I usually use the “sad sit in” peaceful method. It work okay but it is very time consuming for someone who is in pain and late on every single contract. I recently was able to guilt an archivist into giving me my first CT-Scan results. Of course it only revealed that my doctor was a dumbass (or maybe he did not even read it.) The results from my first CT-Scan is “there is a lump. Lump is not a hernia it seems. Get a ultrasound instead.” Negligence is not the same thing as imcompetence but it leads to the same results.

I do not have a doctor anymore (he is obviously too old to read and spent most of the year in the hospital himself. I tried for a while to find an OBGYN. I have one from when I was pregnant but he is negligent too. One was recommended to me by a friend but the receptionist always tells me her book is full and she has no book to write down anything more unless I try again in 3 months. She too is just doing her job. I have not talked to a competent doctor in a long time (except my daughter’s doctor who is a vocal system critic) so you have to understand that I am not sure if there are any.

Sometimes I fantasize that a prince comes in and flies me on his private jet to the Mayo Clinic for one of them thorough physicals from ultra competent world-renowned doctors that rich and “important people” get in the US.

Nevertheless…

I had a great week last week. It was a high pain week but I took meetings, did networking and jotted down a lot of ideas in the little productive time I had but I am late on everything. I am very self-conscious of my affect when I am in pain. I know people hate sulkers so I try really hard to not show it. I did a lot of social work but little computer work.

Today I see I am losing the use of my left arm.

My associates are pissed at me. They don’t actually know I am sick but I will likely just resign. Sucks because I have put in a whole year of work and I will have nothing to show for it, again… There has to be a job out there that I can do to support myself as I watch every bit of my body slowly die.